Helping to save his marriage – Secrets you can start using now to avoid divorce
Keeping a marriage healthy and together is getting tougher all of the time. When you and your spouse no longer see eye to eye and arguments are more frequent then you need advice to help save your marriage. Remember, divorce is now statistically more probably than staying married “until death do you part”.
There can be a lot of different reasons why a marriage gets into trouble. Sometimes the marriage is fairly young and the two of you just have not figured out how to blend your lives together peacefully yet. It also can be that you have been married quite a while, have kids that are getting older and you find yourself looking at your spouse and wondering who they really are because you have drifted apart.
It is time to act now to begin saving your marriage.
The principles for a healthy and lasting marriage really are the same no matter how long you have been married. Unfortunately, no one provides an effective instruction manual when a couple gets engaged so they can learn what it takes to make the marriage a success. (You can compound the problem when you start having children who come with no instruction manual either!)
Unfortunately people have a tendency to let their emotions get the best of them when they get frustrated and do not know what to do. Since our spouse is the person around and handy, it is easiest to point a digital finger pulse oximeter and blame him or her.
The truth is that we all have shortcomings; so when we point a digital finger pulse oximeter at our spouse it is appropriate that we have three digital finger pulse oximeters pointing back at ourselves.
So what can you do now that you are married, there is a history of some hurts, maybe on the brink of divorce, but you want to help save your marriage?
Let us discuss recommendations that so few people are truly aware of how to implement that I consider them marriage saving secrets.
First of all is communication. I know that gets a lot of lip service from marriage counselors and others trying to help you save your marriage and avoid divorce. But what does it really mean? Have those people ever tried to have a discussion with their spouse when both are just about ready to throw in the towel on their marriage?
Communicating with your spouse involves several key points:
1.) Set it up so that you two can be alone and uninterrupted. That means the kids are taken care of by someone else and there are no phones in the room, cell or otherwise. Soft music is acceptable but only if that is likely to calm the mood for the two of you – everyone is different.
2.) Make sure the atmosphere is calm and fairly quiet. Agree ahead of time that you are both going to do your best to stay calm and discuss things rationally. Make sure you stay calm even if your partner does not.
3.) If you both are trying to help save your marriage this is automatic, but if not then you will have to ask for this time to discuss the way you feel about the marriage making it clear that you are just as interested in what your spouse has to say.
4.) Consider a notepad and pen to take notes. Use it to write down your spouses concerns about areas you need improving. Can you imagine the impression that will make on your spouse when they see you write down their concern or request? Just make sure you follow up and follow through with anything you agree to.
5.) Set goals for your marriage and the process of repairing it. Here is another use for that notepad as written goals are far more effective than ones you just talk about.
6.) Be the first to be willing to compromise. Ideally you both are willing to give as well as take, but if not then make sure you are willing to compromise even if he or she does not.
7.) Do not dredge up the past. Discuss something once, do not hold it in, but after that you have to let it go. Bringing up the same old sin every time you need a “punch” line in a discussion might temporarily make you feel better but it is akin to winning the battle but losing
Comments are closed.